I had my 18 year anniversary this month and I am here to tell you that I am more in love today than I was when we first got married. This isn’t because I didn’t love my wife then, no, it is because the more we build our life together the more I want and desire to be with her. I give this all to the Lord and let me say, I am so thankful that he blessed me with such a prodigious women. I remember that when I was 15 years old I specifically prayed for someone who loved me more than I love them. I have to say; I received exactly what I asked for. My wife Nicole is easy to love because of how much she loves me and puts our family before herself.
We have many friends that got married and had kids around the same time we did. However, it seems that many (not all), of these same friends have either divorced or are in a relationship that they are not happy with and even feel trapped. I have noticed a pattern with the ones closest to my wife and I. At some point they went to bed mad and woke up with un-resolved issues that festered and caused a wedge and even more anger towards the person they made a vow with. It seems they both stopped trying. They both gave up and are just together for either the convenience or because of the kids.
How unfortunate this is to think that these beautiful creatures who God created with a plan in place to serve him and each other has become both a chore and a very dysfunctional relationship. It breaks my heart. I have known many whom I speak of back when I was in college, back when we had very different responsibilities. Yes, life has worn many of us down and it seems there is no hope. It seems that all the things that originally started with a simple disagreement on one or both parts has caused relationship decay.
Please listen as I want each of you to understand that the person you fell in love with is still there. Don’t give up on them, fight like your life depends on it. Love them and forgive them. Start with just basic communication, yes, it will probably bring up old wounds and cause fighting and even more anger, but if you keep at it and get to the root of what the issues are I can tell you that you will make it through. Put your faith in the Lord but I can also tell you that it will be work on your end. Pray like it is all up to him but work like it is all up to you!
What does that Bible say about marriage?
Marriage is a covenant between you and your spouse and also God. Fight like hell to keep this covenant. I have been blessed with both my grandparents being married and in love for 59 years before my grandmother passed away and also my parents who have been married for 43 years. What a blessing that I was given to see that marriage and family are necessary.
I asked both my grandparents and my parents on what is the key to a good marriage. I have also asked several married couples who have been married for extensive amount of time to see if there were any variances in their answers. They all said and I quote:
Never go to bed mad.
This is also biblical. Let’s take a look at a couple passages.
Anger is an emotion a very powerful emotion that we all share. Even the Lord Jesus and God our Father got angry.
However, that does not excuse us to get angry and not forgive. Christ forgave so we too are required to forgive as well. I know that this isn’t an easy thing to do, I have a temper (my wife can tell you), I have to work at it everyday.
Resolve your issues, love your spouse again, it is so worth fighting for. Don’t give up. There is hope and there is light at the end. You can do this.